Two people could sit in front of the same qualified therapist, addressing the same issues, and one leaves transformed while the other finds themselves still spinning their wheels in the same place. This isn’t a random occurrence, nor is it a matter of finding the perfect therapist. There are certain predictors that consistently indicate who gets the most from therapy—and most have nothing to do with therapist credentials.
The Willingness That Can’t Be Created
Therapy won’t work if someone is there because they have to be, but instead, they’re there to feel better. These two statements seem to sound similar but are entirely different. It’s essentially a subtle difference. Feeling better means wanting someone to change something for you while life continues unchanged. Change means being willing to look at the patterns, question the beliefs and attempt doing things differently, even when uncomfortable.
Those who feel forced into therapy through partners, family or circumstance have a harder time because they’re there to placate someone else. Working with a Denver counselor becomes most effective when there’s a genuine desire to improve, not just a sense of obligation to show up. The distinction matters. It can be a box that needs checking off without vulnerability or honesty that occurs essentially if one doesn’t want to be there in the first place.
This doesn’t mean one needs to have it all figured out upon entry. Still, some baseline curiosity into one’s patterns and a willingness to examine uncomfortable realities is necessary. Without this, the process becomes something people force themselves into—not something that enables substantial changes and growth from within.
The Honesty That Makes All Work
There are people who enter therapy trying to present their best selves or their best situations. They minimize problems, justify bad behavior, or selectively disclose tidbits under a heightened sense of scrutiny. But this makes therapy ineffective.
The people who get the most from therapy are those who throw it all out on the table. They own up to being bad partners. They share thoughts that make them cringe or become embarrassed. They acknowledge their roles in relationship dynamics, their negatives coping mechanisms and patterns of self-sabotage.
This isn’t easy to do. Still, it requires a certain level of trust in your therapist to truly see you for all your flaws. But no problem can be solved if someone isn’t aware of it in the first place. If you present a version of yourself that’s sanitized for your ego’s preservation, then you’re not allowing your therapist to address what’s truly going on.
The Expectations That Frame Context
There are some people who expect therapy to deliver magic solutions—a quick fix formula that tells people what to do and magically solves everything without any hard work on their part along the way.
Those who benefit from therapy know that it’s not a process but an event. They’re willing to do homework between sessions—figuratively and literally speaking—but instead, they expect insight to be only compelling if it’s applied. They understand that sometimes, therapy is uncomfortable, but that’s because growth usually is.
Realistic expectations also mean understanding what therapy can and can’t do. Therapy can help people recognize patterns, learn new skills, process challenging experiences and make other decisions. It cannot change other people, undo the past or make difficult things easier. People who understand this distinction get more from therapy.
The Down Time
The time between therapy sessions matters more than the actual time spent in a session itself. There are people who’ve gone to therapy, returned home, fell back into their patterns and then returned the next week having not remembered anything that they’d discussed.
On the other hand, there are those who take what they’ve learned and apply it. They notice things and catch themselves mid-behavior, recalling what they had discussed in therapy and attempting new things—however awkward at first—because they realize that change was discussed.
People who integrate therapy into their lives rather than keeping it contained for 50 minutes operate on a more extreme level of recognized change—and a more rapid one as well. They’re using therapy as a tool for constant growth instead of a separate compartment that only exists within the confines of a therapist’s office.
The Environment Surrounding the Process
Therapy works better when it’s not at odds with a person’s entire environment in which they’re trying to operate better. Suppose you’re trying to create boundaries at work but everyone in your life is pushing back against any conflict. In that case, it’s harder to make progress in therapy addressing anxiety when your relationship (or significantly stressful scenario) generates constant anxiety.
This isn’t to say that people should exist in perfect conditions to receive help. Still, if there’s at least one resource—be it some understanding friend or an online community—or any validation goes a long way when one’s entire existence fosters these unwanted patterns better than at odds with them.
Sometimes talking through things in therapy reveals negative relationships or circumstances actively damaging your well-being. The people who get the most from therapy during this time frame are those who make hard decisions about what they need to change with their external world, not just their internal.
The Time Given by Participants
Some people give therapy three sessions and declare it “not working.” Others push through the messy middle ground where it feels like nothing is working. This isn’t due to tolerating bad therapy; instead, this is tolerating minimal information over time, understanding that integrated changes take time.
The time frame matters because it preliminarily sets treatment goals and trust before truly digging in to do the work. People who balk early miss their chances of sustained change—and they’re unfairly judging its success before it’s had a chance.
However, staying overly long with a therapist who isn’t helping either does no good. It’s a balance between distinguishing between hard work because it’s working versus no good at all. A good therapist welcomes conversations about whether or not it’s helping—and sometimes those discussions themselves reveal necessary information.
What Truly Predicts Success
People who get the most from therapy all possess some characteristics—they’re honest with themselves and others, they’re open to discomfort, they’re doing work between sessions, they have realistic expectations and they’re willing to let time frame work help them; therapist specialization means less for these types of people than strictly determined variables.
Ultimately this might sound like benefit only applies to those who’ve arrived at a good place for themselves through therapy, but here’s the catch—many of these qualities can be developed during the process itself. You don’t need to come in perfectly—but you need an open mind.
The difference between those who get something out of therapy versus those who don’t comes down more to approach than circumstance. If you show up willing to be honest with yourself and others, uncomfortable and willing to put in work for whatever therapeutic process exists over time, you’ve set yourself up for change; now it’s time for your therapist’s expertise for support in making it happen.
